You Are More

Hebrews 12:1-2
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

I am 22 days "abstinent" from any eating disorder behaviors, and I feel great. I feel freer, stronger, more confident, happier, and more like who God has made me to be each day I take in the right direction.
Although I haven't binged, I have had days where I have eaten more than I thought I should, based on my meal plan.
It was a Tuesday night after my long day at school, and I try to wind down. The bagels my parents bought have been screaming my name for a few days, and carbs sound awesome for relaxing after a stressful day.
I tell myself I can have half. One half turns into three halves, plus a few spoonfuls of jam. Then I turn to the chicken salad.
I see where this is leading, so I stop, assess my satisfaction level, and march myself to bed.
I wake up in the morning with dread, like I had committed a crime the night before.
I begin the mental berating: "I shouldn't have eaten that", "I'm gonna get fat", "Now I have to eat less and workout more", "What clothes can I hide in today?"
While this is going on in my mind, God tells me, "Your worth is based in me, not in what you eat"
...Wow! I thought that since I had given up weighing myself routinely, my identity was no longer in what the scale said.
While this may be true, I am still identifying myself in different ways other than who God says I am.
I rate my worth on how well I eat or how much I exercise.
I judge how good of a student I am by if I have A's or not.
I rate how good of a friend I am based on how much I talk to or spend time with them, how often I ask them how they are, etc.
I rate how good of a girlfriend I am by how happy Matt is with me at the time.
I am still basing my worth on my performance, on my works, on what I believe I can control rather than on what Christ died on the cross to give me.
HE says I am righteous, His child, His beloved, holy and blameless, forgiven, accepted, transformed in His image, all because He died, not because I did anything to deserve it.
I am worth more than a poor grade, or an upset boyfriend, or a stupid onion bagel.

So let us get our eyes off ourselves, rating our worth by what we do or how we look, and keep our eyes on Him, keeping our eyes on the prize, on knowing Him, on loving others, on being who He created us to be <3